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Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Sunday, June 22, 2025
Sunday, March 30, 2025
आधा भारत नहीं जानता पैसा बनाने वाला 40x20x50 का फॉर्मूला, समझ लिया तो बना लेंगे 5 करोड़ का फंड!सीक्रेट है सबसे धांसू...
कभी सोचा है कि एसआईपी में इन्वेस्टमेंट करके आप करोड़पति बन सकते हैं. जी हां बस ₹50,000 महीने की SIP से 5 करोड़ रुपये तक का फंड तैयार किया जा सकता है? लेकिन आधे से ज्यादा लोग इस बारे में शायद ना ही जानते हों. अगर 40x20x50 फॉर्मूले को फॉलो कर लिया जाए तो फिर ये मुमकिन हो सकता है.यह सीक्रेट फॉर्मूला स्मार्ट इन्वेस्टमेंट स्ट्रैटेजी का हिस्सा है, जिससे आप 20 साल में करोड़पति बन सकते हैं, तो चलिए जानते हैं कैसे ₹50,000 के इन्वेस्टमेंट से करीब 5 करोड़ का फंड होगा जमा.
अक्सर लोगों को शेयर मार्केट की ज्यादा समझ नहीं होती है, लेकिन फिर भी आप हाई रिटर्न वाला इन्वेस्टमेंट चाहते हैं, तो ऐसे में SIP (Systematic Investment Plan) आपके लिए बेस्ट ऑप्शन हो सकता है.SIP के जरिए आप हर महीने एक तय राशि म्यूचुअल फंड में निवेश करते हैं. SIP में जोखिम कम होता है और रिटर्न शानदार मिलता है. यही कारण है कि SIP अक्सर फिक्स्ड डिपॉजिट (FD) और दूसरी पारंपरिक बचत स्कीम से ज्यादा फायदेमंद साबित होती है.
वैसे SIP में कंपाउंडिंग का फायदा अच्छा मिल जाता है, जिससे आपका पैसा तेजी से बढ़ सकता है. अगर आप भी रिटायरमेंट के लिए अच्छा फंड बनाना चाहते हैं, तो SIP का एक बेहतरीन फॉर्मूला फॉलो कर सकते हैं, जो आपको अच्छा फंड देगा.40x20x50 फॉर्मूला एसआईपी का मनी मेकिंग हो सकता है. ये फॉर्मूला बताता है कि 40 साल की उम्र तक, 20 साल तक निवेश करें और 50 गुना तक रिटर्न पाने की संभावना बन सकती है.
अगर आप आर्थिक रूप से बिना टेंशन वाला रिटायरमेंट चाहते हैं, तो फिर 40x20x50 फॉर्मूला को फॉलो करें. इसमें 40 आपकी उम्र है तो 20 साल का इन्वेस्टमेंट पीरियड, और ₹50,000 की मासिक SIP शामिल है. यानी कि 40 की उम्र में SIP शुरू करेंगे तो 20 साल तक इन्वेस्टमेंट जारी रखना होगा. कंपाउंडिंग के दम पर आपको इसमें रिटायरमेंट तक लगभग 5 करोड़ रुपये का फंड मिल सकता है
अगर आपकी उम्र 40 साल की तो फिर हर महीने ₹50,000 की SIP शुरू करें.इसमें सालभर में 6 लाख रुपये आपके निवेश होंगे. फिर इस तरह आप इस एसआईपी को 20 साल तक जारी रखेंगे. 20 साल जारी रखने पर कुल 1.20 करोड़ रुपये का निवेश हो जाएगा. लेकिन यहां कंपाउंडिंग की ताकत काम करती दिखेगी. अगर SIP पर 12-15% सालाना रिटर्न मिल सकता है, तो यह रकम बढ़कर करीब 5 करोड़ रुपये हो सकती है.
अगर आपको 12% सालाना कंपाउंडिंग रिटर्न मिलता है, तो फिर 20 साल में 1.20 करोड़ के निवेश पर 3.79 करोड़ रुपये बस रिटर्न के रूप में जुड़ सकते हैं.यानी कुल फंड 4.99 करोड़ रुपये तक हो जाएगा.यह सब कमाल 40x20x50 फॉर्मूले की ताकत से ही होगा.जिससे रिटायरमेंट के बाद आप टेंशन फ्री हो जाएंगे.यह फॉर्मूला नौकरीपेशा और बिजनेस करने वाले सभी लोगों के लिए मनी मेकिंग है.
SIP लेने से पहले समझ लें कि इस पर रिटर्न 12% से ज्यादा या कम हो सकता है.ऐसे में निवेश से पहले सही फंड का चुनाव बेहद जरूरी होता है. हमेशा फंड का पिछला रिकॉर्ड जरूर जांचें और उसका रिटर्न आदि समझें. अगर सही फंड चुनने में दिक्कत हो रही है, तो फाइनेंशियल एडवाइजर की मदद लें.(नोट: खबर सामान्य जानकारी पर आधारित है)
Saturday, June 11, 2022
Saturday, May 14, 2022
Best Viral Comedy Compilation New 6 Funny Comedy
https://youtu.be/4tT-wH3ecQg
Saturday, April 9, 2022
Saturday, March 26, 2022
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ENJOY LAUGH BEST VIRAL COMEDY COMPILATION VIII FUNNY I ਵਾਇਰਲ ਕਾਮੇਡੀ, ਥੋ...
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Sunday, May 30, 2021
Jokes and Chutkule for Making Sagittarius Laugh
Wife to Husband: Why are you Home So Early?
Husband: My Boss told me to go Hell....//
%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$
Jugli: Why is Prime Minister not seen in the morning?
Shugli: Because he is PM not AM
%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$
Teacher – is sentense ko
english mein translatai karo ,,
“basant ne mujhe mukka maara ”
bachcha – basant panchami
%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$
Teacher : who is Tipu Sultan?
Pappu : I dont know miss..! :s
Teacher : Concentrate on your studies..!
Pappu : Do yew know Jennifer?
Teacher : i dont know..! :s
Pappu : Concentrate on your husband..!
%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$
Once a doctor with knife in hand was running behind a patient…
People asked: what happend Doctor?
Doctor: Its 4th time he came for brain operation,
and after hair cut he ran away…
%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$
Wife: I hate that beggar.. 😡
Husband: Why?
Wife: That Rascal, yesterday I gave him food, today he gave me a book called…
“How to Cook”!
%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$
A Man with Gun goes in bank & demands….
Once he is given money,
he turns to a lady & asks: ‘Did you see me rob the bank?
Lady : ‘Yes, I did’.
Robber shot her in the head.
Then He turned to a couple & asked the man: ‘Did you see me rob d bank?’
Man said ‘No sir, but my wife did…
Clever hubby, LOL 😀
%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$
I was in the bar yesterday when i suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas.
The music was really really loud, so i timed my Farts with the beats.
After a couple of songs I started to feel better. I finished my beer and noticed that everybody was staring at me.
Then i suddenly remembered that i was listening to my iPod.
%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$
In a classroom Teacher asks a student to count from 0 to 10.
Student : 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
Teacher : Where is 5?
Student : Yesterday I heard in the news
that 5 died in a car accident…..
%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$
There are two theories on arguing with a girl (Wife)!
If the girl is right,
Be fair to her & keep quiet.
If the girl is wrong,
Be fair to yourself & keep quiet.
%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$
Teacher bachche ka lunch kha gaya.
Teacher: Beta ghar jaa kar mera naam to nahi bataoge?
Bachcha masoomiat se: Main mummy se kahunga ke meri roti kutta kha gaya!!
%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$
Signal pe car ruki tu aik faqeer mangane agya car mai bethi aurat boli
"Tumhari shakal kuch jaani pehchani lag rahi hai"
Faqeer bola " MADAM WE ARE FRIEND ON FACEBOOK"
Saints, why do you keep only married people in your office?
Boss– Because they get used to being insulted and do not even go home.
%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$
Child – Mummy Do I look like God? Mother – no son, but why are you asking such a thing? Child – Mummy, wherever I go, everyone says that Lord, he came again.
%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$
Boy – I Love you
Girl – Are you crazy
I am married
My husband is
And
There is also a boyfriend in the office,
And
My ex-boyfriend lives in my neighbourhood,
And
Tomorrow my boss has proposed
And
I can not refuse them …
And
Anyway my school friend
Serious mater with.
Boy – (after watching late)
See if there is any adjustment then.
%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$
Wednesday, April 21, 2021
Latest Jokes - Chutkule- Khul Ke Haso
डॉक्टर – आप ने बहोत ही देर कर दी,☹️
इसे आप 1 घंटे पहले लाते तो शायद बच जाता…😕
पप्पू – 😡 अबे साले, 5 मिनिट पहले तो
इसका एक्सीडेन्ट हुआ है,😲
1 घंटे पहले क्या जबरदस्ती ठोक कर लाते ?😭🤪😜
भूतनी के…😂😂
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जीजा अपनी साली के साथ चैटिंग🤳 कर रहा था :
जीजा – वाह तुम तो अपनी बहन से भी ज्यादा सुन्दर हो..
साली – जीजू आप बड़े वो हो..😒
जीजा – अच्छा ये तो बताओ तुम इतनी सुंदर कैसे हो ?आखिर क्या Use करती हो ?
साली – फोटोशॉप ? ?
जीजा बेहोश ? 😁😁😁
-----------------------------
सोनू: यार,
मुझे गर्लफ्रेंड ने धोखा दे दिया।.
.
.
मोनू: …तो तुझे क्या लगा कि सरकारी नौकरी देगी?
-----------------------------
संता की बीवी – सुनिए जी, रात नींद में आप मुझे गालियाँ दे रहे थे,
संता – ओ नहीं सोणिये, ये तुम्हारा वहम है,
बीवी – क्या वहम है? संता- यही कि मैं नींद में था
-----------------------------
अनमैरिड पप्पू ने बाबा से
पूछा-पहले शादी करूं या देश बदलूं?
बाबा ने कहा-अगर तुम देश बदलना
चाहते हो तो अभी बदल डालो,
क्योंकि अगर शादी हो गई तो तुम
देश क्या, टीवी चैनल भी नहीं बदल पाओगे।
------------------------------
दो दोस्त आपस में बातें कर रहे थे,
पहला : भाई ये 14 February को क्या है ?
दूसरा : तेरे पास बीबी है या गर्लफ्रेंड ?
पहला :बीबी है !
दूसरा :तो फिर महा शिवरात्रि है …….!😋😋
------------------------------
आज हेल्मेट ने बाल-बाल बचा लिया। गर्लफ्रेंड को बाइक पर बैठाकर ले जा रहा था…
.
.
.
सामने से उसके पापा आ गए।
शुक्रिया वीइकल ऐक्ट!
-------------------------------
पहली बोली- तुम्हें पता है 25 साल तक मुझे कोई बच्चा नहीं हुआ।
दूसरी- अरे, फिर तूने क्या किया?
पहली- जब मैं 25 साल की हुई तब जाकर घरवालों
ने मेरी शादी करवाई फिर कहीं जाकर मुझे बच्चा हुआ।
दूसरी पड़ोसन ICU में भर्ती है।
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पत्नी आईसीयू में
पत्नी आईसीयू में थी।
पति का रो-रोकर बुरा हाल था।
डॉक्टर बोला – हम पूरी कोशिश कर रहे हैं, पर
वह कुछ बोल ही नहीं पा रही है। शायद कोमा में है।
अब तो सब कुछ भगवान के हाथ में है।
पति बोल उठा – सिर्फ 40 की ही तो है अभी…
तभी एक चमत्कार दिखा। दिल की धड़कन बढ़ने लगी,
पत्नी की ऊंगली हिली, होंठ हिले और आवाज आई-
36 की…!!
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एक लड़का अपनी क्लास की एक लड़की को
पटाने की कोशिश कर रहा था ,
लड़का :– Hii स्वीटी , 50 का रिचार्ज करा दूँ क्या ?
लड़की :– नहीं ,
लड़का (मन ही मन मे):- वाह कितनी शरीफ लड़की है,
लड़की :– अच्छा 500 का करा दो ,
फुल टॉकटाइम ऑफर चल रहा है ,
लड़का :– जा बहन !
तेरी क्लास शुरू होने वाली होगी…
---------------------------------
पति- मेरे सीने में बहुत तेज दर्द हो रहा है
पत्नी- क्यों क्या हुआ ?
पति- शायद हार्ट अटैक आया है, जल्दी से एंबुलेंस बुलवाओ…
पत्नी- ठीक है फोन करती हूं। जरा, अपने मोबाइल का पासवर्ड बताओं…
पति- अभी रुक जाओ पहले से ठीक लग रहा है, कल क्लीनिक पर जाकर दिखा लेंगे
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पति: सुबह जब मेरी आंखें खुलती हैं तो प्रार्थना करता हूं कि भगवान तुम्हारे जैसी पत्नी सबको दे।
पत्नी (खुशी से): सच में…?
पति: हां, सोचता हूं कि अकेले मैं ही क्यों दुखी रहूं।
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टीनू दुकानदार से- सफोला ऑयल देना
दुकानदार- लो
टीनू- इसके साथ फ्री गिफ्ट नहीं दिया
दुकानदार- इसके साथ कुछ फ्री नहीं है
टीनू- इसमें तो लिखा है Cholestrol Free
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मैंने अपनी शोना बाबू को 5ft का टेडी गिफ्ट किया
और
उसकी मम्मी ने टेडी की से रुई निकाल कर 5 तकिये भरवा लिए।
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लड़कियों को
जब अपनी तारीफ करवानी होती है…
.
.
.
तो बस इतना बोलती हैं, ‘बहुत बुरी हूं ना मैं?’
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डॉक्टर: वाइफ की तबियत कैसी है??
हस्बैंड :- अब ठीक है…
“सुबह तो लड़ी भी थी”!!-😂😂😂
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टीचर: दिल और हार्ट में
क्या अंतर है?
.
.
.
पप्पू: जो जवानी में धड़के वह दिल और
जो बुढ़ापे में धड़के वह हार्ट है।
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आंटीः शादी हो गई तुम्हारी।
लड़कीः जी आंटी।
आंटीः लड़का क्या करता है?
लड़कीः अफसोस करता है।
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सुबह सुबह आवाज आई –
पप्पी तो लेलो… पप्पी तो…😍
पप्पी तो लेल्लो… पप्पी तो…😘
पति ने बाहर जाकर देखा तो😳😘😘
एक राजस्थानी छोरी पपीता 🥑 बेच रही थी…
बीवी – हो गयी तसल्ली,😏 मैं रोकती तो
मुँह फूला कर बैठ जाते…😂😂😂😂😘😘
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Saturday, May 25, 2019
JOKES- CHUTKULE- KHUSH HO JAYO JI- MUSKARAO JI
Wah... GG......Wah....
A Foreign lady asked Santa: LIPTON di chah hai?
Santa replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai ta lipat ja…!
Santa ke lips jale hue the
Banta: Kaise jale
Santa: Wife ko railway station drop karne gaya tha.
Banta: To?
Santa: Khushi ke mare, Train ke engine ko choom liya !!!
Doctor: iss dawaa ko ek hafte mein poora karo aur baad me aake milo.
Patient: theek hai doctor
(ek hafte ke baad)
Doctor: dawaa poori kha li thi?
Patient: nahi doctor.
Doctor: kyu nahi?
Patient: usme likhaa thaa ke, bottle ko hamesha band rakhein!
Teacher- jo mere sawal ka sahi jawab dega wo ghar ja sakta hai.
Ussi waqt santa ne apna bag bahar fek diya.
Teacher- wo bag kisne feka?
Santa- maine..ab main ghar jau!!
Teacher Santa se: Explain ‘Dahi’ in English
Santa:
Milk sleeping in the night,
and sawere sawere tight!!
Gabbar: Yeh hath mujhe de de thakur…
Thakur:
Le Le, mere hath le le
Basanti ke bhi le le…
Jai aur Veeru ke bhi le le…
Ramu kaka ke bhi le le…
Octopus ban ja Kutteee!!
Gabbar: Sorry yaar, tu to Emotional ho gaya
Sita ji k vanvaas jaane mein bahut badi seekh hai.
Wah wah…
Sita ji k vanvaas jaane mein bahut badi seekh hai..
arey aage to kaho….
Ghar me 3-3 saas ho to jungle hi theek hai!!!
Santa: Aap mujhe sanskrit seekha do,
Pandit: kyun?
Santa: Devtaao ki bhasha hai, Swarg mein jaroorat padegi
Pandit: Agar nark gaye to?
Santa: Punjabi to aati hi hai…
Santa aur Banta 8th mein aathvi Baar Fail Ho gaye
Santa aur Banta 8th mein aathvi Baar Fail Ho gaye
Santa: Chal Suicide kar le
Banta: Saale, Pagal Ho Gaya Hai ??
Agle janam Fir NURSERY se shuru karna padega?
Platform par dher saara samaan liye khadi ek aurat se coolie ne puchha:
Madam, Coolie chahiye?
Aurat ne badi vinamrata ke sath jawab diya:
Nahin bhaiya, Mere pati mere saath hain!!
Husband: Meri shirt ulti karke press karna.
Wife: Ok.
After 10 minutes
Husband: Meri shirt press ki?
Wife: Nahi…
Husband: Kyun?
Wife: Ulti nahin aa rahi hai!
Pati: Priye, Kya tum mere sath Yoga Class chalna pasand karogi?
Patni: Tum kehna kya chahte ho, main kya moti ho gayi hoon?
Pati: Koi baat nahin, Ichcha nahi hai to mat chalo.
Patni: Matlab main aalsi hoon?
Pati: Arey tum gussa kyun kar rahi ho?
Patni: Matlab main hamesha jhagadti hoon!
Pati: arey maine aisa kab bola?
Patni: Matlab ki main jhoothi hoon!
Pati: achcha baba, Main nahin jaata hoon!
Patni: Main sab samajthi hoon, Darasal, tum le jana hi nahin chahte the…
Pati ne chup rehne mein bhalaayi samjhi aur phir so gaya!
Wife ambulance ko 108 per call karti hai.
Operator: Aapko kya samasya hai?
Wife: Mere pair ki ungli coffee table se takra gayi hai.
Operator: haste hue aur iske liye aap ambulance bulana chahati hain.
Wife: Nahi, ambulance to mere pati ke liye hai, use hasna nahi chahiye tha naa..
Biwi ko samjhna matlab:
32 GB ka koi ek Video
2G network par download karna..
aur 31.95 GB download
hone ke baad….
Aakhir mein error dikhnaa!!!
means…. Impossible!!!
Bhari Sardi mein Biwi Bathroom Se Naha Ke Nikli To Uska Pati Use Ghoor Raha Tha!
Biwi Romantic Hokar Boli: Kya Iraada Hai?
Pati Ne 2 Thappad Maare aur Bola “Mere Garam Pani Se Kyu Nahayi”
Apna Baccha roye, toh dil me dard hota hai.
Aur doosre ka roye, toh sir me!
Apni Biwi roye, toh sir me dard hota hai.
Aur doosre ki roye, toh dil me!
Sab prabhu ki maya hai!
Wife: Janu kya main tumhare sapnon me aati hu.
Husband: Nahi.
Wife: Kyun?
Husband: Main “hanuman chalisa” padh kar sota hun!
Wife:
Agar meri shaadi kisi ‘Raakshas’ se bhi ho jaati
to bhi main itni pareshan nahin hoti,
jitni main tumhare saath hoon!
Husband:
Arrey pagli, Blood relation mein shaadiya kaha hoti hai?
Wife trolled!
Assistant: “Sir, Aap Office Mein Shadi-Shuda Aadmiyon Ko Hi Kyu Rakhte Ho?”
Boss: “Kyunki Unhe Beizzati Sehne Ki Aadat Hoti Hai Aur Ghar Jane Ki Jaldi Bhi Nahi Hoti”
Indian wife sanskaro wali hoti hai
Wo kabhi sabke samne apne pati ko
“Abe Gadhe” aur
“Oye Gadhe” ya
“Sun Gadhe”
nahi bolti
Isliye wo short me
“A.G. / O.G./ Suno G” Kehti hain..
Shaadi ki function chal raha tha..
Pati apni patni ke sath waha pahuncha,
Thodi der baad patni ne dekha ki wo kisi mahila se hans-hans kar baat kar raha hai..
Patni ne paas aakar kaha: Main ghar pahunch kar, tumhari Garam paani ki sikaayi kar ke Iodex laga dungi!!
Pati: Par mujhe chot kaha lagi hai?
Patni: Abhi hum ghar bhi kaha pahunche hain? 🙂
“Apni khud ki galatiyo par hansna aapki umra badha sakta hai!”
– Shakespeare
“Apni biwi ki galatiyo par hansna aapki umra Ghata bhi sakta hai!”
– Shakespeare ki Biwi
A man came home late at night after a party.
His Wife yelled:how would you feel if you don’t see me for two days?
The man couldnt believe his luck, “That Would Be Great” he said.
Monday Passed And He Didnt See Her!
Tuesday And Wednesday Passed Too !!
On Thursday his Swelling became Better
And Now He Could See Her From The
Corner Of One Eye……
Sir: Define Energy?
Santa: Sir pura nai aata hain, thoda last ka pata hain, bas.
Sir: Thik hain, jitna aata hain utna bolo.
Santa: “and this is called Energy……”
Shauhar yeh sab dekh raha tha, to puchh baitha..
“Yeh kya? Dua kyun nahin maangi?”
Biwi: Maangne hi lagi thi ki “Allah aapki tamaam mushkile khatam kar de”
Phir socha, Kahin main hi na mar jaaun!
Pati: Aaj khane me kya banaogi?
Biwi: Jo tum kaho…
Pati: Daal chawal banao
Biwi: Abhi kal hi to khaye the
Pati: To sabji bana lo
Biwi: Bahcche nahi khate
Pati: fir keema?
Biwi: mujhe allergy hai
Pati: Parantha?
Biwi: Raat ko paranthe kaun khata hai?
Pati: Kadhi?
Biwi: Dahi nahi hai
Pati: Fir kya banaogi?
Biwi: JO TUM KAHO!
Young Boy:
After 70 years, you still address your wife as Darling, Love, Honey!
Whats the secret?
Old man:
Her name slipped from my mind 10 years ago!
And i’m scared to ask, what it is?
Harr Biwi Ki Dua
Ya Khuda Mere shohar Ko
Tarakki De
Dolat de
Bangla De
Mujhe Kuchh Nahi Chahiye..
Tu Sab Mere shohar Ko de
BAKi….
Unse lena mera kaam hai 😀
Pati Patni Mein Zabardast Jhagra Ho Raha Tha,
Patni: Kash Main Apni Mom KiBaat Maan Leti Aur Tum Se Shadi Na Karti
Pati: Kya Matlab? Tumhari Maa Ne Mujh Se Shadi Karne Ko Mana Kiya Tha?
Patni: Haan, Bahut Baar…
Pati Rote Hue Bola: Hey Bhagwan, Main Aaj Tak Uss Nek Aurat Ko Kitna Bura Samjhta Raha Jisne Mujhe Bachana Chaha…
The time taken by a wife when she says I’ll get ready in 5 min is exactly equal to the time taken by husband when he says ‘I’ll call u in 5 min!
Husband (calls up Hotel Manager from room):
Please come fast,
I am having an argument with my wife &
she says she will jump from your hotel window.
Manager:
Sir, I am sorry,
but this is your personal Issue.
Husband:
Abey Saale! The window is not opening.
This is a maintenance issue ..!!
Wife: Agar Me Kho Jau, To Tum Kya Karoge?
Husband: Me Nirmal Baba Ke Paas Jaunga.
Wife: Tum Baba Se Kya Kahoge?
Husband: Baba Kirpa Honi Shuru Ho Gayi Hai.
Sunday, July 15, 2018
Top Funny Quotes
1. Common sense is like a Deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.
2. People of my age are busy with Relation, Break up and Patch ups. But I’m still figuring out a way to wake up before 10 AM.
3. “Salary is credited”, the three more powerful words after “I love you”
4. Facebook is like Sunglasses. It allowing you to stare at people without getting caught.
5. If a woman could able to read mind, then every second man will get slapped
.
6. If you really want to slap someone, do it and say “Oh sorry, I thought that was a Mosquito”.
7. Do you want to save your money every year? Just break up on 13 the of February and get back together on 15th of February.
8. Do you know the different between us and Camels? Camels can work without drinking for 7 days and we can drink without working for 7 days.
9. One day girlfriend asks her boyfriend, darling, on our engagement day will you give me a RING? Boyfriend replied, yes sure.. give me your telephone number and I’ll RING you.
10. Mark Zuckerberg is only child in the world whose mom tells him to, “Pay attention to Facebook”
11. My phone’s “low battery” warning is the only warning I take seriously.
12. Early to bed and early to rise simply proves that, the person has no internet connection
13. Good girls are not good looking. Good looking girls are not good girls. Good girls and good looking girls are not single. Good girls, good looking girls, and singles are having strong Brothers.
14. Do you know why best friends standing throughout their friend’s wedding ceremony? Only best friends standing with you when your bad times.
15. Making your girlfriend happy is as easy as playing piano with boxing gloves on.
16. A boy is praying in the classroom and Teacher asked that boy, why you are praying? Boy replied, Mom advised me that “before sleeping you must pray”
17. Best advertisement in front of one of the photo studio shop. “We can shoot your wife and also frame your mother-in-law”
18. The 1999 year kids expect their bed near the window to see the moon and stars. But 2015 kids expect their bed near the mobile charging slot.
19. The only person who looks good in a group photo is always the one who uploads it.
20. Women fall in love by what they hear and men fall in love by what they see. That is why most of the women put makeup and most of the men lie.
21. The Broccoli says I look like a small tree.. the Mushroom says I
look like a umbrella.. the Walnut says I look like a brain.. and the
Banana says ‘Can we please change the subject?’
22. A thief broke into my house last night. He then started searching for money so I woke up and searched for him.
23. When a woman says “What?”, it’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.
24. If you really want your friend to remember you, lend some money from them.
25. If women rule the world, there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.
26. One of the funniest situation in student life is when we have no idea what to write in the exam paper and the supervisor comes and says, “Please cover your answer sheet”
27. Girls hate it when boys ask their age, but they would kill you if you forget their birthday.
28. This generation boys and girls, fall in love because of misunderstanding and break up when they start understanding each other. It’s funny but true.
29. Behind every successful hangover, there is a promise of never drinking again.
30. Here is the secret formula for married couples. “Love One Another”, and if it doesn’t work, bring the last word to the middle.
Tuesday, June 19, 2018
Teacher: John, tell me your date of birth?
John: July 13th
Teacher: on which year?
John: it is in every year, Ma’am!
Sign of Changing Times:
Santa to Pappu: Son, Success is when Signature turns into Autograph.
Pappu: No Dad, Success is when, Signature turns into Black Label!
Santa: Do you have a good excuse for coming home at 3 o’ clock in the morning?
Pappu: Yes, I do! Dad, the party was raided.
Teacher: What is the plural of mouse?
Pappu: Mice.
Teacher: Good. Now what is the plural of baby?
Pappu: Twins.
Pappu: Ma’m, I want to go to the toilet.
Teacher: I want to hear A-Z from you before I let you go.
Pappu: ABCDEFGHIJKLMN_ _QRS_UVWX_Z!
Teacher: Where is P, O, T, Y?
Pappu: In my shorts.
Pappu: Mom, last night when I opened the toilet door, the light went on itself.
Mother: Idiot, you again peed in the refrigerator!
Pappu: A girl said, “I love you” to me.
Bunty: What did you say?
Pappu: I said, we are so similar. Even “I love me”
Pappu: My girlfriend is like a fart.
Bunty: Why do you say so?
Pappu: She’s not at all good looking; so whenever I am out in public, I never own her.
Pappu: Mom, Bunty broke a window.
Jeeto: How did he do it?
Pappu: I threw a rock at him and he ducked.
Teacher: Hey! Stand up.
Pappu stands up reluctantly.
Teacher: Tell me two pronouns.
Pappu: Who? Me?
.
..
…
Teacher: Very good. Sit down.
Girl: How much do you love me?
Pappu: My heart is my mobile and you are its SIM.
Girl: Oh my God! I am so lucky.
Pappu: Thank God, She doesn’t know that mobile has dual SIMs.
Pappu: What’s the difference between Pollution and Solution?
Santa: If a politician drowns in a river it’s Pollution, and if all of them drown then it’s a Solution!
Teacher: What’s a good example of Import and Export?
.
..
…
Pappu: Sonia and Sania!
Teacher: Pappu, you know you can’t sleep in my class.%0A
Pappu: I know, but maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.%0A
Teacher: How does blood reach your brain?
Pappu: Simple. Direction of liquid is always towards the empty space.
Pappu: I love you!
Girl: Shutup!
Pappu: I like you!
Girl: Shutup!
Pappu: I miss you!
Girl: Shutup!
Pappu: You are really pretty!
Girl: Really?
Pappu: SHUTUP!
Girlfriend: Dear, it’s my birthday tomorrow.
Pappu: Happy birthday in advance!
Girlfriend: What gift shall you give to me?
Pappu: What do you want?
Girlfriend: A ‘Ring’.
Pappu: I shall give you a ‘Ring’ but please don’t pick it up as my balance is very less!
Teacher: Tell me the name of any Microsoft Product?
Bunty: MS Excel
Lucky: MS Word
Bittu: MS Powerpoint
Pappu after thinking a lot, “MS Dhoni”!
Girl: I need Google in my brain and antivirus in my heart.
Pappu: And Photoshop on your face!
Maths Teacher: What is a line?
Pappu: A line is a dot that’s going for a walk.
Teacher: Then what are parallel lines?
Pappu: A dot going for a walk with his girlfriend!
Pappu: My neighbors have a nuclear family.
Bunty: They stay separately from their parents and kids?
Pappu: No. Their daughter-in-law is a real Nuclear Bomb!
Doctor: You must exercise daily for good health.
Pappu: I play football, cricket and tennis almost daily.
Doctor: How long do you play?
Pappu: Until the battery in my mobile dies down!
If Child Labor is a Crime…
.
.
.
.
.
Then why teacher gives Homework?
Mother to Johnny: how was your exam, is all questions difficult?
Johnny: No mom, all the questions were simple, It was the answers which gave me all the trouble!
John: July 13th
Teacher: on which year?
John: it is in every year, Ma’am!
Santa to Pappu: Son, Success is when Signature turns into Autograph.
Pappu: No Dad, Success is when, Signature turns into Black Label!
Santa: Do you have a good excuse for coming home at 3 o’ clock in the morning?
Pappu: Yes, I do! Dad, the party was raided.
Teacher: What is the plural of mouse?
Pappu: Mice.
Teacher: Good. Now what is the plural of baby?
Pappu: Twins.
Pappu: Ma’m, I want to go to the toilet.
Teacher: I want to hear A-Z from you before I let you go.
Pappu: ABCDEFGHIJKLMN_ _QRS_UVWX_Z!
Teacher: Where is P, O, T, Y?
Pappu: In my shorts.
Pappu: Mom, last night when I opened the toilet door, the light went on itself.
Mother: Idiot, you again peed in the refrigerator!
Pappu: A girl said, “I love you” to me.
Bunty: What did you say?
Pappu: I said, we are so similar. Even “I love me”
Pappu: My girlfriend is like a fart.
Bunty: Why do you say so?
Pappu: She’s not at all good looking; so whenever I am out in public, I never own her
.Pappu: Mom, Bunty broke a window.
Jeeto: How did he do it?
Pappu: I threw a rock at him and he ducked.
Teacher: Hey! Stand up.
Pappu stands up reluctantly.
Teacher: Tell me two pronouns.
Pappu: Who? Me?
.
..
…
Teacher: Very good. Sit down.
Girl: How much do you love me?
Pappu: My heart is my mobile and you are its SIM.
Girl: Oh my God! I am so lucky.
Pappu: Thank God, She doesn’t know that mobile has dual SIMs.
Pappu: What’s the difference between Pollution and Solution?
Santa: If a politician drowns in a river it’s Pollution, and if all of them drown then it’s a Solution!
Teacher: What’s a good example of Import and Export?
.
..
…
Pappu: Sonia and Sania!
Teacher: Pappu, you know you can’t sleep in my class.%0A
Pappu: I know, but maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.%0A
Teacher: How does blood reach your brain?
Pappu: Simple. Direction of liquid is always towards the empty space.
Pappu: I love you!
Girl: Shutup!
Pappu: I like you!
Girl: Shutup!
Pappu: I miss you!
Girl: Shutup!
Pappu: You are really pretty!
Girl: Really?
Pappu: SHUTUP!
Girlfriend: Dear, it’s my birthday tomorrow.
Pappu: Happy birthday in advance!
Girlfriend: What gift shall you give to me?
Pappu: What do you want?
Girlfriend: A ‘Ring’.
Pappu: I shall give you a ‘Ring’ but please don’t pick it up as my balance is very less!
Teacher: Tell me the name of any Microsoft Product?
Bunty: MS Excel
Lucky: MS Word
Bittu: MS Powerpoint
Pappu after thinking a lot, “MS Dhoni”!
Girl: I need Google in my brain and antivirus in my heart.
Pappu: And Photoshop on your face!
Maths Teacher: What is a line?
Pappu: A line is a dot that’s going for a walk.
Teacher: Then what are parallel lines?
Pappu: A dot going for a walk with his girlfriend!
Pappu: My neighbors have a nuclear family.
Bunty: They stay separately from their parents and kids?
Pappu: No. Their daughter-in-law is a real Nuclear Bomb!
Doctor: You must exercise daily for good health.
Pappu: I play football, cricket and tennis almost daily.
Doctor: How long do you play?
Pappu: Until the battery in my mobile dies down!
If Child Labor is a Crime…
.
.
.
.
.
Then why teacher gives Homework?
Mother to Johnny: how was your exam, is all questions difficult?
Johnny: No mom, all the questions were simple, It was the answers which gave me all the trouble!
