JOKES- CHUTKULE- KHUSH HO JAYO JI- MUSKARAO JI

JOKES- CHUTKULE- KHUSH HO JAYO JI- MUSKARAO JI

Wah... GG......Wah....

 A Foreign lady asked Santa: LIPTON di chah hai?

Santa replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai ta lipat ja…!

Santa ke lips jale hue the

Banta: Kaise jale

Santa: Wife ko railway station drop karne gaya tha.

Banta: To?

Santa: Khushi ke mare, Train ke engine ko choom liya !!!

Doctor: iss dawaa ko ek hafte mein poora karo aur baad me aake milo.

Patient: theek hai doctor

(ek hafte ke baad)

Doctor: dawaa poori kha li thi?

Patient: nahi doctor.

Doctor: kyu nahi?

Patient: usme likhaa thaa ke, bottle ko hamesha band rakhein!

Teacher- jo mere sawal ka sahi jawab dega wo ghar ja sakta hai.

Ussi waqt santa ne apna bag bahar fek diya.

Teacher- wo bag kisne feka?

Santa- maine..ab main ghar jau!!

Teacher Santa se: Explain ‘Dahi’ in English

Santa:

Milk sleeping in the night,

and sawere sawere tight!!

Gabbar: Yeh hath mujhe de de thakur…

Thakur:

Le Le, mere hath le le

Basanti ke bhi le le…

Jai aur Veeru ke bhi le le…

Ramu kaka ke bhi le le…

Octopus ban ja Kutteee!!

Gabbar: Sorry yaar, tu to Emotional ho gaya

Sita ji k vanvaas jaane mein bahut badi seekh hai.

Wah wah…

Sita ji k vanvaas jaane mein bahut badi seekh hai..

arey aage to kaho….

Ghar me 3-3 saas ho to jungle hi theek hai!!!

Santa: Aap mujhe sanskrit seekha do,

Pandit: kyun?

Santa: Devtaao ki bhasha hai, Swarg mein jaroorat padegi

Pandit: Agar nark gaye to?

Santa: Punjabi to aati hi hai…

Santa aur Banta 8th mein aathvi Baar Fail Ho gaye

Santa: Chal Suicide kar le

Banta: Saale, Pagal Ho Gaya Hai ??

Agle janam Fir NURSERY se shuru karna padega?

Platform par dher saara samaan liye khadi ek aurat se coolie ne puchha:

Madam, Coolie chahiye?

Aurat ne badi vinamrata ke sath jawab diya:

Nahin bhaiya, Mere pati mere saath hain!!

Husband: Meri shirt ulti karke press karna.

Wife: Ok.

After 10 minutes

Husband: Meri shirt press ki?

Wife: Nahi…

Husband: Kyun?

Wife: Ulti nahin aa rahi hai!

Pati: Priye, Kya tum mere sath Yoga Class chalna pasand karogi?

Patni: Tum kehna kya chahte ho, main kya moti ho gayi hoon?

Pati: Koi baat nahin, Ichcha nahi hai to mat chalo.

Patni: Matlab main aalsi hoon?

Pati: Arey tum gussa kyun kar rahi ho?

Patni: Matlab main hamesha jhagadti hoon!

Pati: arey maine aisa kab bola?

Patni: Matlab ki main jhoothi hoon!

Pati: achcha baba, Main nahin jaata hoon!

Patni: Main sab samajthi hoon, Darasal, tum le jana hi nahin chahte the…

Pati ne chup rehne mein bhalaayi samjhi aur phir so gaya!

Wife ambulance ko 108 per call karti hai.

Operator: Aapko kya samasya hai?

Wife: Mere pair ki ungli coffee table se takra gayi hai.

Operator: haste hue aur iske liye aap ambulance bulana chahati hain.

Wife: Nahi, ambulance to mere pati ke liye hai, use hasna nahi chahiye tha naa..

Biwi ko samjhna matlab:

32 GB ka koi ek Video

2G network par download karna..

aur 31.95 GB download

hone ke baad….

Aakhir mein error dikhnaa!!!

means…. Impossible!!!

Bhari Sardi mein Biwi Bathroom Se Naha Ke Nikli To Uska Pati Use Ghoor Raha Tha!

Biwi Romantic Hokar Boli: Kya Iraada Hai?

Pati Ne 2 Thappad Maare aur Bola “Mere Garam Pani Se Kyu Nahayi”

Apna Baccha roye, toh dil me dard hota hai.

Aur doosre ka roye, toh sir me!

Apni Biwi roye, toh sir me dard hota hai.

Aur doosre ki roye, toh dil me!

Sab prabhu ki maya hai! 

Wife: Janu kya main tumhare sapnon me aati hu.

Husband: Nahi.

Wife: Kyun?

Husband: Main “hanuman chalisa” padh kar sota hun!

Wife:

Agar meri shaadi kisi ‘Raakshas’ se bhi ho jaati

to bhi main itni pareshan nahin hoti,

jitni main tumhare saath hoon!

Husband:

Arrey pagli, Blood relation mein shaadiya kaha hoti hai?

Wife trolled!

Assistant: “Sir, Aap Office Mein Shadi-Shuda Aadmiyon Ko Hi Kyu Rakhte Ho?”

Boss: “Kyunki Unhe Beizzati Sehne Ki Aadat Hoti Hai Aur Ghar Jane Ki Jaldi Bhi Nahi Hoti”

Indian wife sanskaro wali hoti hai

Wo kabhi sabke samne apne pati ko

“Abe Gadhe” aur

“Oye Gadhe” ya

“Sun Gadhe”

nahi bolti

Isliye wo short me

“A.G. / O.G./ Suno G” Kehti hain..

Shaadi ki function chal raha tha..

Pati apni patni ke sath waha pahuncha,

Thodi der baad patni ne dekha ki wo kisi mahila se hans-hans kar baat kar raha hai..

Patni ne paas aakar kaha: Main ghar pahunch kar, tumhari Garam paani ki sikaayi kar ke Iodex laga dungi!!

Pati: Par mujhe chot kaha lagi hai?

Patni: Abhi hum ghar bhi kaha pahunche hain? 🙂

“Apni khud ki galatiyo par hansna aapki umra badha sakta hai!”

– Shakespeare

“Apni biwi ki galatiyo par hansna aapki umra Ghata bhi sakta hai!”

– Shakespeare ki Biwi

A man came home late at night after a party.

His Wife yelled:how would you feel if you don’t see me for two days?

The man couldnt believe his luck, “That Would Be Great” he said.

Monday Passed And He Didnt See Her!

Tuesday And Wednesday Passed Too !!

On Thursday his Swelling became Better

And Now He Could See Her From The

Corner Of One Eye……

Sir: Define Energy?

Santa: Sir pura nai aata hain, thoda last ka pata hain, bas.

Sir: Thik hain, jitna aata hain utna bolo.

Santa: “and this is called Energy……”

Shauhar yeh sab dekh raha tha, to puchh baitha..

“Yeh kya? Dua kyun nahin maangi?”

Biwi: Maangne hi lagi thi ki “Allah aapki tamaam mushkile khatam kar de”

Phir socha, Kahin main hi na mar jaaun!

Pati: Aaj khane me kya banaogi?

Biwi: Jo tum kaho…

Pati: Daal chawal banao

Biwi: Abhi kal hi to khaye the

Pati: To sabji bana lo

Biwi: Bahcche nahi khate

Pati: fir keema?

Biwi: mujhe allergy hai

Pati: Parantha?

Biwi: Raat ko paranthe kaun khata hai?

Pati: Kadhi?

Biwi: Dahi nahi hai

Pati: Fir kya banaogi?

Biwi: JO TUM KAHO! 

Young Boy:

After 70 years, you still address your wife as Darling, Love, Honey!

Whats the secret?

Old man:

Her name slipped from my mind 10 years ago!

And i’m scared to ask, what it is?

Harr Biwi Ki Dua

Ya Khuda Mere shohar Ko

Tarakki De

Dolat de

Bangla De

Mujhe Kuchh Nahi Chahiye..

Tu Sab Mere shohar Ko de

BAKi….

Unse lena mera kaam hai 😀

Pati Patni Mein Zabardast Jhagra Ho Raha Tha,

Patni: Kash Main Apni Mom KiBaat Maan Leti Aur Tum Se Shadi Na Karti

Pati: Kya Matlab? Tumhari Maa Ne Mujh Se Shadi Karne Ko Mana Kiya Tha?

Patni: Haan, Bahut Baar…

Pati Rote Hue Bola: Hey Bhagwan, Main Aaj Tak Uss Nek Aurat Ko Kitna Bura Samjhta Raha Jisne Mujhe Bachana Chaha…

The time taken by a wife when she says I’ll get ready in 5 min is exactly equal to the time taken by husband when he says ‘I’ll call u in 5 min!

Husband (calls up Hotel Manager from room):

Please come fast,

I am having an argument with my wife &

she says she will jump from your hotel window.

Manager:

Sir, I am sorry,

but this is your personal Issue.

Husband:

Abey Saale! The window is not opening.

This is a maintenance issue ..!! 

Wife: Agar Me Kho Jau, To Tum Kya Karoge?

Husband: Me Nirmal Baba Ke Paas Jaunga.

Wife: Tum Baba Se Kya Kahoge?

Husband: Baba Kirpa Honi Shuru Ho Gayi Hai.